Latest Occupy Movement Promises Results

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I’ve heard whispering about an upcoming Occupy Wall Street event that promises to draw a massive crowd of protesters: Occupy Walmart. On Friday, November 25, 2011, millions of agitated consumers will be gathering in front of department stores and shopping malls across the nation. They gather in angry protest of the high prices levied against our American consumers this Holiday season. Because of the super sales and excessive advertisement, they’re determined to stick it to the greedy CEO’s and Business Executives behind these so called Black Friday “deals.” 

Published in newspapers across the nation, these well-known specials are bait for the wealthy business owners and executives to lure shoppers into their stores. Their conspiracy has been exposed time and time again in colorful sales pages and inserted into almost every newspaper across the nation. This year the American public isn’t going to stand idly by and watch others get the best deals in the store. These brave protesters will be sure to have their wallets intact, protecting their hard-earned dollar in faithful capitalist fashion. It is time to make a difference in this crony capitalist system of cheap cell phones and half-priced blue jeans. It’s time to buy all of their low-priced stock, to rob the robbers of the robes of the robbed.

The dangers of the Occupation are well known. Last year, a man died while being trampled in a horde of angry occupiers the day after Thanksgiving. There have been stories of police officers roughing up occupiers, and I don’t expect Occupy Walmart to be any different. You’ll want to take advantage of the steal-of-a-deal price on sunglasses, just to protect your eager eyes from pepper spray, aimed at more unruly shoppers. One unlucky 84-year-old New York occupier got sprayed a couple weeks ago chasing deals on stocks at her local stock market. Though the casualties are many, we maintain a worthy goal and continue to occupy those greedy markets until our demands for low prices are met.

The Occupy Walmart movement predates the more recent Occupy Wall Street movements by many years. In the past, however, we’ve been content to merely camp out at stores the night before, passively waiting for the management to turn on the lights and open the doors to the stores, heavy laden with Tickle Me Elmos. But this year, in camaraderie with those brave souls occupying Wall Street since August, there will be adopted a similar spirit of anger at injustice. No more will we pay full price for imported, lead-laced children’s toys. It is time, once and for all, to stand up and demand lower prices on cheap consumer electronics.

The Occupation isn’t just limited to Walmart; they’ll be crowds as early as 3:30am Friday morning at Kohl’s, Target and even Best Buy. They smaller local businesses will be watching enviously across the street as hordes of angry shoppers, armed to the teeth with credit cards and cash, storm the doors of corporations and conglomerates. Some local businesses are even trying to match the special deals offered, but most consumers see through the charade. The small businesses aren’t the enemy here, so they shouldn’t be occupied. The local mom and pops’ fair prices aren’t undercutting anyone, so they will continue to be ignored. Our true enemies here are those big businesses, those capitalist bulwarks, who, though rich and fat with the filthy lucre of years past, are still unsatiated in their evil goal to amass the world’s wealth. If you share in the growing distrust of big business, if you spent too much the last few years on your Target card and want the debt forgiven, or if you just want to equal the playing field by picking up a great buy on pepper spray and batons, then come out and join your brothers and sisters this Friday morning as week seek to right the wrongs on Black Friday.

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